small worlds

if you spend enough time with me you'll realize that i don't believe in coincidences all that much. particularly when it comes to my relationships. every interaction, in some way, shape or form is purposeful.

through the years, i've haphhazardly tested this phenomenon...the one that suggests that people don't just flit in, out and back into your world...you must take advantage of each interaction...the world, after all, is a small one after all.

there's the random woman that got into the drink line after me at a random reception some 10 years ago. for whatever reason, i said to myself, "what the hell" and decided to turn around and introduce myself. all this to be shocked when she returned my "hi how are you" with, "didn't you go to "x" middle school in "x" state?" she was right, and while astoundedly perplexed, i didn't freak out. we've been great friends ever since.

then there's the woman at my alma mater who i was always drawn to....i really liked her. she was cool, we always seem to get eachother. she was a few years younger than me, so it was sort of weird how we clicked, but regardless of the age difference, we did. one random night, after going to some event, we decide to have coffee. i've always known she was from my home state, but hailed from a city 500 miles away. she didn't know this. at some point i tell her where i spent my high school years, and she says, "i lived in that city for a year!"

oh yeah? what school did you go to? really? that's the school I went to....but being 6 grades apart, we never would've known each other...but, wait, my sis is 6 grades younger...did you ever now my sis?

TEARS.

you mean the only girl that knew spanish and spoke to me when i was a recent immigrant to the states...the girl that i treasure (but lost track of) for being so nice to me for so many years? yup. needless to say, we're still in touch.

then there's my latest run-in who i suspect may be my next great coincidental find of a friend. our kids went to the same daycare years ago, they are the same ages and are hubbies are in similar lines of work. we keep running into each other in really random places. places neither of us frequent, but when we're at each and every place, we see each other, connect and say this is too much, there's some greater force out there bringing us together. we need to make it happen. the latest was on friday night. i'm having a nice dinner with my hubby and over his shoulder, past the man's shoulder who's back is facing his back, i catch the eye of a woman. and it's her. our husbands meet, we talk kids, joke about the coincidence and how she's found out we have a mutual friend, and now we're having coffee next week.

then there are the more tragic ones - mostly happening to friends of mine. the latest one i heard a few days ago was from my friend who suddenly lost her 2 year old daughter almost 3 years ago of an undiagnosed, asymptomatic brain tumor. needless to say, she's been through a lot and is just so strong and aware of her limitations and boundaries. a few weeks ago, she takes her son (they had another child after the death of the girl I mentioned above), to the ER. there boy has cut open his foot - blood everywhere, but seemingly okay. they purposely avoid the ER they took their daughter to - to obviously allow for some distance and to avoid some re-visualizing of their trauma from a few years back. they arrive in this different ER, check in and my friend pulls the nurse aside, to let her know that they have a bad history in ERs, and to be sure that they let them know when and if there's something truly wrong. the ER nurse stops her in mid-sentence and says, "I know what happened to you - I remember your daughter." And, then she calls the girl by name. way too insanely small world.

with each occurence, i wonder what others are out there yet to happen or opportunities missed. what if my hubby didn't come up to me on a random wed night on a cold january day in 1993 to ask if I wanted to play pool with him? of course! as we soon found out, we probably would've run into each other...as once we started dating we realized all the folks we had in common.

such is the way of my world and it's no coincidence!

Jewish Mother Friends

A while back, when I was complaining about a high-maintenance friend of mine, the term "jewish mother friend" was coined by a good work/friend of mine.

We both have one - and I'm sure many others do. You know who they are....the annoying friends that are your age that act like your mother and have the jewish edge to boot. My friend and I - who both aren't jewish - somehow get drawn into the web of these types of friends.

I don't know what it is - maybe it's the familiarity...I mean, come on, jewish can be substituted for any other ethnicity out there, and then you add the mother component and you somehow feel drawn to them - as a way to reconcile your mother relationship issues.

They are very intense and yearn to be connected to you....and they really do mean well. It's just that they take it up a notch, and then another notch, and then next thing you know there is no way to get yourself detangled from them.

When I first was dealing with my friend's intensity, I was really caught off guard. Primarily because I had let her get away with so much, that when it came to the final straw - it was so obvious I had to get out - that I did....and did so not as gracefully as I would've wanted. But, nonetheless, I got my point across and got the hell out of there.

But, even though we're not that great a friends anymore. And she's certifiably a wacko jewish mother friend, she still pulls at my heartstrings....much like my own mom does. I can't help myself to give this woman the benefit of the doubt - and I try not to get sucked in. but i do.

The latest was when I inadvertantly found out that her oldest, a sweetie pie 8 year old, had had to be rushed into surgery for a ruptured appendix. I have a history with hospitals because of my own daughter, as well as a history of chaotic tragicness with the death of my friends daughter, so the whole PTSD kicked in big time....and I was drawn to helping her out, reaching out as much as I could. Even though we are undeniably not close anymore and she, in particular, is over me.

Nonetheless, in this time of raw pain and humanity....the truth did show through. I was genuinely concerned and she genuinely accepted my concern.

All is fine with her daughter now, and we will go back into our normal patterns....and I'll go back to wanting to avoid her...and she'll turn back into my jewish mother friend.

Priceless

The other day, I overheard my son asking my hubby...."Daddy, how much do I cost?"

Daddy didn't quite understand the question, so he said things like....well, we have to get your clothes, food, etc.

My son interrupted, "No Daddy, if you were to sell me....how much would you say I cost?"

So Hubby goes, "We would never sell you. You're priceless."

"Does that mean I don't cost anything?"

"No! It means that you are not for sale; no one could ever give us enough money for you."

"Even 3 billion dollars?"

"Yes, even 3 billion dollars."

"Wow??!!!"

Stupid Questions

A while ago I had a very special dinner date....with my then 7 year old son. To make a long story short, my daughter and hubby were at a birthday party together, so he and I were on our own. We had a romantic dinner for two at the local pizzeria.

At some point in our conversation, I had the chance to do the "there's no such thing as a stupid question" schpeel. I don't know what prompted it, but I went on to tell him how he could ask me or his dad anything especially if there was anything said at school or among his friends that he didn't understand. It was okay not to know what they were talking about and if he felt comfortable, he could ask them...or one of us.

I figured it had gone in one ear and out the other, when a few minutes later he asked me, "Mom, do you know what a 'johnson' is? The expression on his face just made me grin from ear to ear, which then made me laugh. I couldn't help myself. And then he started to giggle.

I answered him with a nod and then he pushed me. "What is it, mommy?"

And then, I had a flashback to my own childhood, when I would've asked my overly religious latin mother a similar kind of question and she a) probably wouldn't have known what the word really meant given that English is not her first language (and so would've imagined it to be even worse than what it really was) and b) if she did know, she would have acted all naive and dumb so as to not divulge too much information to me. Her response to "what is it mommy?" would've been...."I don't know?" Which then would've made me second guess whether or not I should even say anything...and then it would be over. An opportunity lost.

So, I looked at my son...cupped my hand around my mouth, leaned towards him across the table and then whispered, "Penis." He was thrilled! "Yeah mommy you know what it is!!" As a friend of mind said later on when I shared the story, I instantly had "street cred" with my 7 year old.

I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. Hopefully this will become a little trusting moment in history that was shared between us and that will help as he enters his teenage years.

It was one of the best romantic dinners EVER!